my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
