We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
