I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
