is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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