he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
