He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
