my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
