I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
