I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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