i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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