she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
