I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
