I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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