She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
