you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
