hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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