You just made me feel so damn special
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
