ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
this is an emotional support booty call
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
