I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
