Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
