if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
