Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
