The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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