Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
