I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
