I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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