you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
