if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you will always have a special place in my vag
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize