Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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