sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
