Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
