Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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