i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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