Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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