Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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