Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
