My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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