I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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