If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
