he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
