He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
