if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Four minutes until I can fart!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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