i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
