It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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