I got chris browned last night
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
