If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
