My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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