so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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