she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
