bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
