All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
