i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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