Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
