hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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