i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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