OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
