So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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