my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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