New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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