but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
