my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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