I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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