Where are you?
In a non slutty way
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
