I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
