so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need a hoe opinion
go on
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
