with your own penis?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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