The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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